The Next Installment of "Project Dating"

Sorry I haven’t written lately, but I am continuing the “online dating vs. real-life dating” experiment! I am still seeing my “real-life” boy and that is going pretty well but I’m still feeling like something is missing. But it’s a very normal, adult relationship and I enjoy his company so there is definitely potential. I really do like him but not sure if we have that “special something”. I did meet a guy the other night who I did feel that spark with. We’ve hung out a couple times. But he has a 3-year, long-distance gf who he’s “not sure about anymore”. Not touching that one. Friends it is!

So back to the online guys. The guy I went on the lunch date with called me and I picked up the phone on accident and made up some lie why I couldn’t talk and haven’t called back. He seems to have taken the hint. Then there was this one guy Allen who I had been emailing back and forth with for awhile. By far, the best communications I’ve had online so far. We talked a lot about music and playing guitar and seemed to have a lot in common. The we moved to the texting and that was working too. He seemed like a cool dude. His photos online were interesting. In some, he looked really cute and in others, he sort of bordered on hairy Yettii. So I was nervous when we set up our first date that it might turn out to e the latter. Well it wasn’t. Not really. But if also wasn’t the former. He was way shorter that I thought (why do people lie about their height??) and although a bit hairier that I would prefer, he was also slightly balding. How does that work? But he was a nice enough guy and the date wasn’t at all painful. But I wasn’t attracted to him really and didn’t see it going anywhere. I go the polite after-date text but was just not into it. Soon after I went home to Texas and got a text from him shortly after my return to Boston asking how my trip was. I ignored it. Why drag it out, right? 2 weeks later, I get this email:

“Hey Laura!
What's goin' on? So I just thought I'd shoot you a quick note and say hi, see how your trip back to TX was, blah, blah, blah. I shot you a text a few days ago and because technology is sketchy sometimes I thought either a.) you didn't get it or b.) you're not interested or something.

If that's the case and you're not interested, seriously no worries. OK? Maybe we can be friends or something? Just wanted to say I had a great time, convo was awesome, thought you were a really genuine, fun, hilarious, gal. Plus you like awesome music and I still don't believe you don't have a TX/southern accent!

But yeah seriously you'll have NO problem finding someone. Hit me back either way. Later! Allan”

I have to say as awkward as some of these dudes are, they all take rejection well! And are very complimentary, which never hurts! At the very least, this makes the online dating game worth it.

OH! And Scientist guy has returned! He texted me while I was in Texas “Hey Laura, Jeff here. I was wondering if you would like to get a drink as friends. If you don’t remember me, I’m the guy who didn’t pay for our date and then tried to kiss you.” Ha ha. That guy is growing one me. Okay, not really. But still nice.

Round 2

And so it continues. Since my last post, I have been out with Dennis twice. Once to another nice dinner and then he invited me over to watch the Oscars. We had made out picks ahead of time and entered into a pool so it was sort of fun to watch and see what we got right. (I got the random ones like best foreign short and missed the obvious like Best Director. What??) When I got there, he had set out little plates of olives and cheese and yummy snacks and had lots of delicious wine. We had a great time. He is such a gentleman and so sweet and exactly what I need right now. But still no spark. I thought for sure with all that wine… But I still think I’m hung up on the ex a bit and not really giving Dennis a chance. So we’ll see how it goes.

I had another “online” date. This time it was a lunch date near my office. Definitely the way to go. This guy was a lot more “normal” than Scientist Guy although he was obviously a little nervous. (He knocked his iced tea all over the table.)

Positives:
Good conversation, we watch the same TV show like Lost!
He paid.
He didn’t say any offensive or inappropriate things.
Negatives:
He kept talking really loudly about online dating (I don’t want ot broadcast it buddy!)
We ran into someone he knew on the way out and was like “This is Laura. This is our first date.” Which made it super awkward.
He was not hot.

Overall, it was vey vanilla. Not sure if I’ll see him again. He has since texted me and asked me out again. I told him I was busy this week (which is true) and I would touch base the week after. We’ll see if I do.

So far, the “organic” dating process is a lot more promising.

The Dating Game

So as you can see from my last angry post , I am single again. And THIS time I intend to take full advantage. Oh, okay I took full advantage last time and I’m gonna do it again. Only difference is, this time I’ve been tricked into online dating. Eeep. I’ve never had a problem meeting people “organically” and never even considered this medium, but my boss/friend (although can I really still call her my friend??) signed me up as a joke and because she met her man on there, blah blah. But it turned out to be super entertaining. I cannot BELIEVE the D’s that are on there. Like “Really guy THAT is the picture you chose to put up?” I thought it would be interesting to compare my “organic” dates as I’ll call them to my “online” dates. And boy do I already have some interesting stories.

Let’s start with my first online date. This is after weeding out literally hundreds (I’m not being braggadocios, I could have a club foot and get hit up on this site) and skipping over dudes with their pet bunnies on their profiles (it’s true!), I found Jeff. He had some cute pics, seemed slightly dorky but nice. We had a few email exchanges and then he asked me out. I have NEVER been on a date with someone before meeting them so I was a little nervous. We met up for a drink and I got to the bar first. I had 2 vodka tonics before he arrived. It was a good idea. He was tall and not at all bad looking. We had some pretty decent convos and he had a compatible sense of humor. But it was obvious right off the bat that he was SUPER dorky. But I kept telling myself it could be endearing. But then came the weird comments. I tried to chalk it up to nerves but I could not ignore the one I got when I came back from the bathroom. “Did everything come out okay?” “Really?????” and that’s what I said to him “Really?? I’m just going to pretend you didn’t say that.” So then comes the check and he didn’t offer to pay so I though okay we’ll go halfsies – he obviously didn’t think it went well either. But when we hugged good-bye (I am too nice) and I gave him the cheek, he still tried to make out with me!! And somewhat succeeded. (Again, too nice.) I walked away thinking “What just happened?” Then came the next day text. Ignored it. Then cam the day after. Ignored. Then came the following email:

Hi Laura

It’s too bad I haven’t heard back from you. I really enjoyed hanging out with you and was very much looking forward to seeing you again. Though it’s okay if you’re not interested. You win some and you loose some. You actually offered to tell me what I had done wrong when we met, though I declined to hear what it was. If you have a free moment, could you please tell me what I was doing wrong? I would really appreciate your candor. Seriously, let it rip. I ask simply because I’d like to not do it again so I can have a better chance at getting what we’re all looking for here on this match deal-e-o. Though if you don’t have the time to give me some feedback, please know that there’s no hard feelings on my part and I hope you get everything you wish for. I honestly wish the best for you.

See you

Jeff

Oh bless him. Sad dorky scientist guy. So I wrote back:

Hi Jeff,

Thank you for your nice email. I am always on t a quest to better myself so I appreciate you wanting feedback on our date. Overall, I thought we had some really great conversation and you have a great sense of humor. I just didn’t think we were a “match” – no pun intended! There were a few things that put me off a bit, but I would hesitate to say that it would put all women off. I think it’s just personal preference. For example - I’m not a big fan of crude questions like “Did it all come out okay” when I got back from the bathroom. Really??? ? And I’m also very traditional so I think guys should always pay on the first date, especially if they try to kiss you at the end of it!

I do think you’re a really interesting guy and have a lot to offer and I’m sure you will have no problem with the ladies! No hard feeling on my end either and I also wish you the best!

Laura

To which he replied:

Hey thank you very much for sharing your thoughts with me, Laura. I really do appreciate it and am in no way offended by your honesty. I’m sure it moderately painful for you to tell someone what you don’t like about them.

You have a very good point that I should have paid since I was interested enough to want to kiss you and also see you again. I am very sorry about that. (As a very small point in my defense, though certainly not retort to your opinion that I appreciate and value, you were the first date I’d been on in perhaps six or more years that didn’t offer to help pay – even the dates with woman who, unlike you, were interested. So, I didn’t see it as a big deal though I indeed will be much more cognizant of it in the future!) Still, you are right and I was wrong for not paying for some simple drinks for a woman that I was very much interested it.

As for the “Did every thing come out okay?” comment, I am a stupid dumb ass. I wish I could go back and do it over again and not let that moronic comment roll out of my idiot mouth. I am very sorry, Laura. I hope I didn’t make you tremendously uncomfortable.

So in any event, thanks again for giving me a chance, a fun evening, and your valuable feedback. You’re an amazing woman and whoever you find to be with will certainly be a tremendously lucky man. Please know that I would be up for getting together with you as friends in a non-romantic way if you ever just want to chill with semi-friend. Hopefully I didn’t totally disgust you and perhaps you might want to hang out as friends sometime. You have my number so just give me a shout if you ever find a time where have nothing better to do.

Jeff

Oh my. Overall, a nice exchange but still left me feeling like “what kind of people do this? I don’t know if I can hang.” But for the sake of some more good stories, I’ll try.

The following weekend I had another date. This time it was with someone I knew, a friend of a friend named Dennis. We had hung out in social situations but I had had the boyfriend and had NO idea this guy was interested. Then post-breakup, we were hanging out one night and he told me he had a crush on me! He’s a psychologist, a bit older than me but he is so nice and he has his shit together. So for our first date, he made reservations at this nice place and we had a 6-course meal! It sounds pretentious, but it wasn’t at all. We had good conversation and laughed a lot. He seemed a bit nervous though. On the way to the restaurant, he almost ran someone over and he knocked down a stack of business cards on the hostess stand on the way out. But he was a gentleman, opened car doors, helped me with my coat and walked me to the door. The way it should be! And the kiss goodnight…nice but a bit lacking. Not a deal breaker though. And important to note that he DID pay for dinner and I DID wnt to kiss him. 

Stay tuned for 2nd date with Dennis and lunch date with another online guy…

10 Signs That He Sucks And You're Better Off Alone

1. He FREAKS out when you tag him in a picture of you two on Facebook.
2. He says he’s going to meet you at a party and never shows.
3. You call him when you’re on your way over and he’s not there when you get there. And then 45 minutes go by and he mozy-ies on up without an apology.
4. He doesn’t say thank you.
5. You feel like you’re his teacher in “How to Have a Grown-Up Relationship 101”.
6. You can’t make plans more than two days in advance or he feels “smothered”.
7. You NEVER get flowers.
8. He has to make a SUPREME effort to meet your lowest expectations.
9. He likes his sister WAY too much.
10. He makes you doubt how fabulous you are.

I have been on an uphill climb for almost a year now. It has been emotionally taxing, mentally frustrating and physically draining. I am absolutely exhausted. And there is no end in sight. I have started wondering recently – how the hell am I holding it all together? I am so close to losing it. It would be so easy to give up, to slip into depression or lose myself in some unhealthy addiction. But I don’t. How come? Who knows? Maybe because I’m not that kind of person. Maybe because I’m really scared that if that happens, that’s it. I’ve lost. Whatever reason, it’s a mystery and I’m grateful for it. Some days I am so tired of fighting. I know it will pass and I’ll get my 2nd wind and keep going but how many times have I done this in the past 10 months? A shitload. Maybe deep down I really believe that something amazing awaits or maybe I’m just fooling myself. Either way, tomorrow is another day and another battle and somehow I will find the energy .I am not a quitter and I will never give in but sometimes I am SO tempted.

So is life.

When in Brazil

Brace yourself guys and gals. This one is a cringer!

Since I’ve been in Boston, I’ve been on the lookout for friends wherever I can find them. This includes my eyebrow waxer Chapman. She is a cool chick and we’ve hung out a few times and become friends. Since I felt so comfortable with her, I started asking her about things in which I’ve always pondered. Such as the Brazilian wax. Like really, how common is it? Is it as bad as everyone says? Etc., etc. She said that 80% of her business is Brazilian waxes and that it hurts the first time, but then it gets a lot better. She used some analogy that I can’t remember now that completely allayed my fears. So I though, why not give it a shot?

Here I go again trying to prove to myself that I can do things I’m terrified of. And this was definitely one of those things. Me no likey pain.

But I figured I was in good hands with Chapman. I trusted her. But I had no idea what to expect. I guess I was hoping for a little grace and class, but the experience was completely devoid of both. It was humiliating and awkward and super duper intimate. I wonder if this counts as a lesbian experience…. :)

So I walk into the little room and Chapman tries to ease my nervousness. I put on a brave face but I was making nervous small talk to try to forget what was about to happen. I’m not sure how much detail to go into here. Let’s just say that it was helpful that I was wearing a skirt. And that I’m flexible. And that Chapman gave me a towel to put over my face and squeal into.

It was not fun. It hurt like a bitch. And it felt weird afterwards. Almost equal to the physical uncomfortableness was what happened afterwards. Chapman and I went out for drinks. This was the first time I had shown my hoo-ha to someone before the drinks! Chapman was, of course, very blasé about the whole thing since this is her profession. So much so that I almost forgot what we had just done. At one point in the evening, it occurred to me and I got all school-girl embarrassed.

It wasn’t as bad the 2nd time…physically or emotionally. :) And I am thinking about asking Chapman out on a date. Kidding!

The Final Chapter

Days 6-10

All these days were pretty good. I was drinking a lot more of the juice than before so my energy level was a bit higher. It was tough though because on most of these days, I was working 10-hour shifts at Abercrombie. I did have the day off on Day 9 and I had to move and do some strenuous activity and I was feeling pretty good in spite of the cleansing. By Day 10 though, I was ready for the whole thing to be over. I missed food and I was so tired of the nay-sayers putting their two-cents in every two minutes! But I have to say, I was surprised at how well I did. I never felt like passing out or really week. I had some cravings for food the first few days but it was all mental. I never really felt sick or weird. It was a good ride, considering the circumstances!

Day After

Today I was only supposed to have OJ only, all day. I had a feeling it would be rough because I was getting any energy from the juice anymore. I went to work feeling okay. I made thought about half the day (5 hours) and I was not feeling great. My body was like “um, if the cleanse is over, get me some grub!” I obeyed. I ended up going home early and eating a bit of fruit and crackers. I felt really good after that. Even though I wasn’t technically supposed to be eating until the next day, I am definitely glad I started early. Today was definitely the hardest day throughout this whole process. The first few things I ate were a little rough on my stomach, but really not too bad at all. I was thinking it was going to be a lot worse.

Final Thoughts

Now I feel FANTASTIC. Better than I’ve felt in my life. I’ve been eating pretty healthy, a lot of organic stuff. I’m really going to try to stay away from all the crap, but I will not deprive myself of treats.  I lost ten pounds throughout this thing and I’ve already gained 3 back. It was never about losing weight though. I really do feel like I’ve rid my body of all this bad stuff that’s been building up over the years. I feel lighter and full of energy. So far, I haven’t had any digestive problems like I used to before. We’ll see if it stays that way. I’m sure a lot of it is mental, but I really cannot express how amazing I feel. Physically and mentally. This is one of the best things I’ve ever done. Not just for health reasons. But I tested myself and I passed. I faced a really difficult challenge and I proved to myself that I could do it. I’ve realized that I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was. I know this sounds pretty cheesy, but I am so glad I did this and I will probably do it again. I really recommend this to anyone who wants a clean slate and wants to do something truly challenging and rewarding.

The Cleansing Continues

Day 3, 4 and 5

So these days were all pretty much the same. Not great, but pretty good. I had the day off on Day 3 and I was able to drink a lot more of the “juice” so I felt better. Day 4 and 5 were low energy days. I was getting really sleepy and work. And grumpy. (Like Snow White’s dwarfs!) I talked to my friend Josh who is a veteran cleanser and he said I definitely wasn’t drinking enough so I decided to change that. As of Day 5 eve, I have lost 5 pounds. All my pants are falling down. Yikes! 

Day 6

I drank a lot more of the “juice” today and I was feeling good all day. I did have a really in-detail conversation with one of my coworkers about Twizzlers and gummy bears and I almost got enough satisfaction just talking about it. But as soon as I’m able, you know I’ll be buying that shit!

The Lemonade Diet

I decided that while I am revamping my entire life from the bottom up, I should challenge myself in every way possible. So I decided to do this cleansing thing called the Lemonade Diet. I am not doing it to lose weight, just to wash all the toxins out of my body. And a whole lot of crap has built up in the last 27 years, I’m sure. I can hear the protests and the “You’re crazy” and “That’s so unhealthy” blah blah. I was a skeptic too until I talked to a couple of people I really trust and they vouch for this “adventure”. So what I do is drink a combo of lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper with water, every day, 6-12 glasses a day, for 10 days. I also drink this herbal tea at night and this saltwater mix in the morning. I am super nervous about it. I’m afraid I’ll pass out and be starving and hate my life. But I’m always up for a challenge, so here goes!

DAY 1

I woke up and drank a quart (yes a QUART) of sea salt and water. It wasn’t’ too bad at first but I did not like it after the seventh gulp or so. My friend Josh gave me some good advice “Drink this a couple hours before you have to go anywhere because, well, it all comes back out.” Lovely. And true.

So I made my mixture and off to work I went. I was doing okay for the first half of my nine-hour shift. Then I got REALLY hungry. Then I got a bit dizzy and super tired. But I pulled through it. I realize that a whole lot of this is just mental. The “mixture” has all the nutrients in it to sustain your body. Eating is more of a habit than anything. But yes, I almost killed someone who I saw eating Chinese. Did I mention this whole thing has made me kind of grumpy? :)

DAY 2

Feeling okay today. I had to get up at 5 AM to drink that saltwater stuff since I had to be at work at 8 and I didn’t want to risk it. That was not fun. I don’t like drinking lots and lots of warm salty water. So far, that’s the worst part. The “mixture” doesn’t taste so bad but I can see myself getting really sick of it. Had some hunger pangs today but not too bad. I was super tired when I got home from work though. But I did get up at 5, so….
My tongue has turned white. I hear that’s a good sing. It means your body is getting rid of the toxins. When it turns back to its normal color, you are toxin-free! Apparently Day #3 is the hardest so I am bracing myself!

Moments

So I went to the Boston Museum of Fine Arts the other day. Some of you may not know this about me (and may be surprised) but I love art museums. I don’t presume to really know anything about art, like composition or lines or emotions evoked by brush strokes or any of that crap. All I can tell you is whether I like something or not. And I can’t always explain why either. There’s just something about art that I find very romantic and peaceful, even when it intends to be the opposite. When I lived in London, I spent a lot of time at the Victoria & Albert museum (in part because it was free and right around the corner from where I lived). I loved sitting there for hours just soaking it all in. It’s beautiful and sad at the same time to think of all these painters and sculptors who never knew what legends they would become. It would have been such a trip for them, I bet, seeing critics over analyzing every inch of their art, speculating on why, when and where they did it and probably laughing because those stupid critics were so way off. Or maybe not.

Anyway, I spent four hours at the MFA and I don’t think I saw two-thirds of the place. It was great. I got that audio tour thing which I think is so great because you can hear the “stupid critics’” opinions. I find it all very fascinating at the time, but interestingly I never retain much of the information I learn. They had this really cool Egyptian exhibit and some great pieces from way back in the Greek days. I was really digging the Egyptian stuff. They had some mummies and tombs and sarcophagi. It is so interesting to learn what they believed in and their kooky traditions. Apparently, they would take out a person’s organs and gunky stuff to help preserve the body before they buried it. They had four containers shaped like little gods where they put the most important ones (like the lungs and intestines) and buried the statues with the bodies. Apparently, they didn’t think the brain was very important, something to do with controlling body temperature. But they had to get it out to dry out the skull so they thrust metal hooks in through the nostrils repeatedly to mash up the brain until it just flowed out the nose. Pretty gross.
I also saw some Monets and that famous Ballerina sculpture. And a bunch of Colonial art. But my favorite was this one painting by Renoir. I had never seen it before and as soon as I did, I smiled. Again, I can’t really tell you why. I think it was because it was a simple happy moment, frozen in time. I always wish I could do that in my life. Maybe that’s why I like to take pictures so much. So I can always remember how happy I’d been, in case I’m not one day. Anyway, the painting is called “Dance at Bougival”. I just love how you don’t know if these two people are lovers or if they just met or if they’ll ever see each other again. Life is all about these moments I think.

So it was a good experience. Too bad it cost me $23! 

Best Day EVER (Well, except for the first bit)

So my movie-business aunt calls me the other day and says she’ll be in town Wednesday to visit the new Martin Scorsese / Leonardo Di Caprio film set and she’s going to see if I can come with. Sweet. So she says we’ll have breakfast at her hotel, the Ritz at 8:30 and then we’ll drive out to the set. So Tuesday night I text her “Are we still on for 8:30 at the Ritz?” Never hear back. So I assume we are. I set my alarm for 7 a.m. and go to bed.

I wake up at 6 a.m. or so b/c I get a text. It’s from her “Can we make it 9?” I text back “Ok! 9 it is!” I get up, go to the bathroom, get back in bed and tell my bf that I’m sleeping in and re-set my alarm to 7:30. I get up when my alarm goes off, get in the shower, get ready and am on my way out the door at 8:45 when my aunt calls me.
“where are you?”
“I’m on my way. Why? What’s up?”
“I thought we were meeting at 8:30.”
Pause.
“But you texted me this morning and said 9!”
“No I didn’t.”
What?!
My phone cuts out. I check my text inbox. No message from my aunt. For the first time in my life, I feel like I could be literally losing my mind. I have never felt so disoriented and crazy-person-like in my life. It turns out, she never texted me and I never texted back. I did wake up, go to the bathroom and re-set my alarm though. It is so unsettling to know I ACTED on something that didn’t actually happen. I’ve had tons of dreams that seem so real and when I wake up, it takes me a few seconds to realize it’s not. But I ALWAYS realize it’s not. I would have bet my life and my mother’s that this text exchange had taken place.

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

Okay. But after that business, I had a fab breakfast at the Ritz with my aunt (who I think is now worried about my sanity a bit!) and we drove out to the set. I got to see Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo film a scene together and I got to listen to everything that was going on (including Martin Scoresese’s (Marty) directions). It was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. Oh and then my aunt introduced me to all 3 of them. Leo had just saved this little turtle and was trying to save its life by putting it in a cup of water. It was really cute. Leo and I had a 1 minute or so conversation. I’m pretty sure I sounded like a total idiot but he was nice about it. I shook Marty’s hand as he walked by with his posse. He was very impressive. And I saw Mark at lunch and had a mini convo with him. He was super nice and I think I was the most star struck by him. Who knows why? I never had a thing for him before this, but I totally have a crush on him now. After lunch, they filmed the same scene again (they probably did 20 or 30 takes). Leo and Mark were joking around between takes, singing and making fun of each other. At one point, they both got the giggles and couldn’t get through the scene. It was pretty hilarious.

It was really incredible to see how it all happens behind the scenes. I’m really looking forward to seeing how this scene turns out in the film. It was an amazing experience and the first (and hopefully not only time) that I was glad I lived in Boston.

And then I came home and bf had cooked a nice romantic dinner for me. Awww.

It was definitely a good day. Even if I think I’m on a one-way train to the insane asylum.

Why I hate My Apartment

(another positive diatribe about my new life)

Okay so I have to say, I have warmed up to my new living quarters. A little bit. Only because now that we have it all organized and clean, it is easier to overlook all my qualms. But they still exist, no doubt. I HATED it at first. And there are multiple reasons why those feelings are justified. And, oh yes, I will tell you all about it. 

So we live in a really nice building in the city, really close to downtown. What sold me about is was the 24-hour concierge service. I thought that they would be able to help me with all my Boston questions. And I knew there would be many. Out of the 22 questions I have asked, I only received satisfactory answers to 2 or 3. SO annoying.

Our place is SUPER small, especially compared to the apartment we used to live in. The thing that kills me is that there is no space for anything. We have to share a closet for one. (Yikes!) And there is BARELY room for my shoes and purses (Ladies, you know what I’m talking about), let alone my clothes. And I only get half of it! Don’t get me started on the washer and dryer either. You put a towel and a sock in there and it’s full. It takes forever to do laundry.

Then there’s our lovely neighbors. We’ve got Loud Indian Guy on one side of us. You can literally hear his TV when you get off the elevator all the way down the hall. Naturally, we can hear it quite well though the wall we share. Loud Indian Guy really enjoys watching UFC (and cheers or boos at supreme volumes) and is very interested in the stock market. Oh and he’s always home. ALL DAY. And he doesn’t sleep. Then there’s the people above us. I think they are somehow related to the elephant family. They stomp around and it sometimes sounds like they’re just running back and forth in their apartment just to torment us. Then there’s all the rest. All our friendly neighbors we see in the elevator or in the gym, who don’t say hi and don’t’ smile. Lovely.

Let’s not forget the other random sounds and smells. Our bathroom pipes made some weird clanking noises for the first month or so. Thankfully, the maintenance guys were able to fix that. It would wake us up every night. The refrigerator makes some weird angry hums sometimes. We get it Fridge! We have no food! Then there was Drilling Day. They were apparently fixing the parking garage, which is 6 floors below us. But it sounded like they were drilling in my bedroom. This lasted from 8 AM until about 5 one day. Love it. And then our utility closet smells of smoke or Indian food or whatever our neighbor happens to be up to. It would come in handy, I suppose, if we had a dinner party and ran out of games to play. Everybody loves “Guess That Smell”.

But my favorite of all was the 2 AM fire drill. It was a Saturday night (well technically Sunday morning) and the damn alarm went off. I almost fell out of bed. It was so loud; I thought the world was coming to an end. I finally get a hold of someone at the front desk and asked if we should come downstairs. “If you want to” was the reply. Awesome. I feel safe now that I know strict emergency procedures are in place. We ran into the fireman in the stairwell who looked half-asleep and pissed off. Oh, okay and hot. Of course. Thankfully, it turned out to be nothing. Instead of being relieved, I was even more annoyed. All that for nothing.

Good times.

Are there good things about living here? Sure there are, but I can’t mention them without ruining the spirit of this entry. So maybe next time….

Really?

So as you all know, I have embarked on a new exciting adventure and have uprooted myself from Austin to Boston. Boston, the city of history and opportunity and all that other shit people always say. And what have I found instead? Absolutely nothing. I have no job, no friends, a tiny apartment and nothing to do with my time. Instead of complaining all the time, like I’ve been doing and will certainly continue to do, I decided to do something about it. So I says to myself “Self, how can you earn some money with low stress and get yourself out of the apartment every day? I know! I’ll get a retail job at one of my fave stores!” (This is what my life has been reduced to.)

So I go down to Faneuil Hall, a cute little courtyard-type area of Boston where there are a bunch of shops and restaurants and street vendors. So I went into Urban Outfitters first. It didn’t at all resemble the one I love in Austin and all the people that worked there were all tatted up and looked like they wanted to kill me. Okay, next… So I walk into Abercromibe & Fitch. I really don’t understand why they have to play their music so loud, but anyway. So I go up to this guy who looks like he could be my son and he tells me to fill out an application on this little computer that’s hidden in the corner. Okay, fine. So then this girl comes over and asks if I can come back at 4 for a group interview. Done. “It’s in the bag,” I think. I’ll be coming home with a job today!

So I’m back at the store promptly at 4. I find another guy who’s waiting and we chat it up. We become BFFs quickly. Justin is the typical Southie with the Good Will Hunting accent. He’s cool and he loves that I’m from Texas. Of course. So the Manager In Training (MIT) comes over. She leads us all over across the street to a food court place to do the interview. (because of course we couldn’t hear ourselves think in the store.) So it’s me and my BFF Justin and 3 other people. Aja –a tiny black girl who had a serious tude and is not very nice to me. Letoya – who was a pretty large black chick and very quiet. And Jonathan who seemed nice enough. So MIT goes around and takes turns asking us questions. We find out that she and Jonathan used to be in the same like marine corps unit or something. They talked about that for 10 minutes until the DM who was also there was like “Uh, hello?” So the questions were pretty lame and standard. Everyone answered them fine although Justin and I were the only ones old enough to drink I think so the others answered questions with lifeguard experience of some class project t they had as examples. Here was my favorite part of the interview: The question was “What is your definition of diversity and do you think it is important in the workplace? Why or why not?” Letoya got this one first. She paused for awhile and then asked “what is diversity?” Um, Letoya that was the question. So they were nice about it and tried to explain it to her and she still couldn’t quite come up with an answer. Unbelievable.

So here’s the great part. I don’t think I got the job! Can you believe it? The DM did say I should apply for a management position though so I have an interview for that next week. The whole point of this was so that I can do something unstressful and easy for a little pocket money. I don’t’ want a freaking career at Abercrombie & Fitch. Sigh.

So on my way home, I got stuck on a train. It like didn’t leave the station for 30 minutes b/c of a problem somewhere else. So I befriended my neighbor who seemed like a decent guy. Then he gave me a few “I want to take off your pants” looks and that was that. Double sigh.

Just a day in the life of Laura Alvarado. Could it BE more exciting to be me?

The Good and Bad

The Good News - there are 2 Starbucks only a block away from our new place in Boston.

The Bad News - Their Vanilla Lattes are DISGUSTING. I mean, how hard is it? I thought they all used the same recipes. SO disappointing.

More Good News - They cost less. Like 30 cents cheaper than they are in Austin. Which totally adds up.

And it would so be wroth it if I didn't puke them up.

C'mon Boston. Give me SOMETHING.

My First Snowboarding Experience

So everyone kept telling me “Go skiing first, snowboarding is way hard”. And did I listen? No sir. And I’m really glad I didn’t. Apparently they are both so different, it doesn’t matter which you do first. But snowboarding IS harder. How do I know this? Because I did not see very many skiers falling down, but I saw tons of snowboarders wiping out. Myself included.

Don’t get me wrong – I loved it! I expected to be really terrible but I was decent. Which was especially surprising since we had 16-year-old boys as instructors. Not good. But they LOVED my bf. Because he picked it up super fast. He was a freaking natural. They were all like “You can totally do this other higher slope” (which apparently doesn’t usually happen that fast). “Oh, but your girlfriend..”. Humiliating. I had to prove to these tweens that I could do a hell-edge and toe-edge turn before they’d let me join him. Thank God I did it. But barely.

So off we go to the bigger scarier hill. I had to give myself props. I was doing it. I did fall…a LOT. I fell on my ass so much that it’s all bruised now. And I hit my head so hard twice that I blacked out. But I was doing it! And I was having fun.

How was my bf doing? Um, AWESOME. He didn’t fall at all. He started doing tricks and stuff. The instructors were all impressed and people we didn’t even know were coming up to him all like “Wow, you’ve gotten so much better since this morning, you should try this other slope blah blah.” Good for him. I mean, I’m proud of him but it’s still super annoying. You would think having a bf that’s good at EVERY sport he tries ( and I mean EVERY freaking sport) would be a turn on. And it is. Sometimes. Other times, it’s really frustrating because he rally doesn’t understand why it’s not as easy for me. And I feel stupid and inadequate and all that good stuff. And it’s SO much worse when he’s all like “I’m so proud of you babe. You’re doing great out there!” It sounds so f-ing condescending. And I know he doesn’t mean it like that. And I know it’s not his fault he’s so bad ass. But I can still be grumpy about it, right?

I just need to get over myself. I’m a terrible, terrible girlfriend and person, in general.

Would I do it again? Most definitely! But not with him. :)

From Austin to Boston

So I’m here. Finally. It feels like it took forever. Yeah, it’s cold and people are not friendly (except for the Italian lady at Al’s Liquor Store – we bonded over Patrick Swayze. Oh and did you know Pavarotti died? Bummer.) The city is cool though. We took the subway for the first time last night. Pretty cool. Totally different world underground.  Oh, and I saw a rat. Yummy.

Our apartment is really nice but it is SO SMALL compared to our old place in Austin. I mean, we have to SHARE a closet. That is so not going to happen. And the computer I am typing on right now is on top of a box. I mean, seriously. But we have a great view of the harbor. I can hear seagulls in the mornings. What a trip. And the building has a really nice gym. They have touch screens on the treadmills and ellipticals and you can watch TV on your own personal screen. Super exciting! (Is it bad that this is the most exciting discovery I’ve made so far? Well that and there’s a S Bux across the street. I’m lovin’ that!)

Did you know that they don’t sell liquor at grocery stores here? I’m talking no beer or wine at ALL. What is up with that? How sucky. You have to go to a shady liquor store. This greatly impedes my New Year’s Resolution of drinking more.

Well I wanted an adventure and I am getting one. If I don’t die in the process or severely humiliate myself, I will have many more stories to tell. Stay tuned….

The Great Escape

So the next 32 days are going to be rough. I’m going on an adventure and it begins now. I have to do the first part by myself. And then I’ll have company. The company will make it easier but harder at the same time.

Boston is the destination. But is it really? It’s more than just moving from one city to another. It’s about changing your life. Totally and completely changing your life. It’s what I’ve wanted to do for so long. But now that I’m actually doing it…. Well, it’s real.

A month ago, everything was what I wanted it to be. Romantic relationship – perfect. Job – great. Family – nearby. Friends – abundant. It’s what every girl wants. And I was happy. I really was. But I was soooo bored. And I hate bored. So things had to change. And now they are. And every bone in my body knows that it has to happen now. Opportunity awaits. And I can’t ignore it. I must leave all that is good behind and try to find it again. And I know I will.

The Search Part 2

So we went out looking for apartments again. This time it was not as eventful but we did see a whole lot more places. Jody Foster was great as always. Here are the highlights:

-The weather was cold and rainy and crappy.
-We saw a bunch of way over-priced apartments in Austin.
-We waited an hour to see this place that sounded like the best deal ever. But it was the ugliest f-ing thing I’d ever seen in my life and so not worth waiting for.
-I wanted to see more places but He was tired and hungry so we stopped.

The good news……….WE FOUND A PLACE.
It was actually the first place we looked at that day. It is HUGE and in a good area and we both really liked it so YAY. We have put in our application and are waiting for word so we’ll see.

I have to say, I am really going to miss Jody Foster. Hopefully we can remain friends and get together for drinks sometime and talk about the strange characters we met on our journey. I am so poetic. And lame.

Stay tuned for the good stuff….when we actually move in………….

The Rules

Being part of a couple means there is now a “we” and an “us” instead of a “me” and an “I”. I am not sued to this. So this has taken some adjustment. Don’t get me wrong – I love it. But I have learned that there are certain rules to follow when one is in a serious committed relationship. And these become especially important when you decide to live together. I though I’d share a few that I have learned. At first these things annoyed me but now I find them hilarious.

1. When throwing away a tissue box, it is absolutely essential that you break down the box before throwing it away.
2. When one does not have a dishwasher and does the dishes by hand:
a. One must set the glass on its side to dry NOT upside-down. The moisture will get trapped up in there otherwise and we can’t have that.
b. Do not use a new sponge to get cheese out of a bowl. Then cheese will get on the sponge and you will have to throw it away!!! Oh no!
3. Do not stack plates when finished eating. Then you will have to clean both sides. (I can’t even defend that one. Seriously?)
4. ALWAYS use a coaster. Under no circumstances is this not okay.
5. The diver always has control of the radio and no one (not even the SERIOUS girlfriend of seven months) can change the station. Especially if it’s Ludicrous song.

By abiding by these rules, I hope to make our co-inhabitance more peaceful. :)

Moving Onwards and Upwards

Before I begin this blog entry, I would like to apologize to my three loyal fans for taking so long to update it. :)

So since I last wrote, a LOT has changed. My life has now become “our life”. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I just celebrated a seven-month anniversary with yesterday. As you all know, this is a huge deal for me. He is definitely the love of my life and I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him. Before that happens, however, there are a few steps that we need to take. The first one we are about to embark upon is……..moving in together. Ba Ba Ba Bum. I thought it would be fun to write about it along the way since it will, no doubt, be amusing to others, albeit at times, stressful for us.

Chapter One – Looking for a Place

I’m excited. This is the fun part as far as I’m concerned. Austin is our oyster and the perfect apartment is the pearl we are sure to find. Or something like that.
Since I didn’t want to do all the work and neither did He, we decided to hire an apartment locator. Her name is Jody Foster. I see that as a good sign. No one with a name like that could be less than fantastic.
So after a few discussions with her, we all met up one Saturday to look at potential homesteads. Let me just say this: is it a prerequisite for leasing office peeps to be annoying as shit? Seriously, I wanted to punch every one of them. Anyway, we looked at 3 places and here’s how it went…

Place 1: Super close to His work so I thought he’d be jazzed. The place was allright, but is a Texas-shaped pool REALLY necessary? Hokey! I think the lady that showed us around was on speed and coffee and crack, all at once. I thought he place was decent, perhaps a bit small. But after we left, I found out He did not. I tried to tell Him that any apartment complex that had cookie swapping parties on the weekends couldn’t’ be all bad. But nooooooo. Next!

Place 2: This lady looked like she had been working there for 300 years. If I had a dollar for every time she called me sweetie or dear (sarcastically EVERY time), we could afford to buy a downtown loft and would not have to deal with these schmoes. Moving on….. We both LOVED this place. Great price. Good size. Decent location. But it was one of those “You have to make a decision today before it gets snapped up.” We weren’t ready to do that. Boo.

Place 3: This lady seemed bearable so it looked hopeful. Then we discovered that Dinosaur Lady hadn’t given us back our IDs and Bearable Lady apparently thought we looked like serial killers to we didn’t’ even get to look at a place. It was a bit far out anyway.

So that was that. Overall, not too painful an experience. I heart Jody Foster. She made the whole thing a lot more fun. We decided to put off looking until January.

Stay tuned as the search continues…..

Gold's Gym Sucks... A LOT

You know those movies where someone gets locked into a mall or a Wal-Mart or something? Well apparently it happens in real life. Because people are idiots.

I was at Gold’s Gym working out completely unaware that it closes at 8 pm on Sundays. I was upstairs when I notice that all the lights downstairs went out. I was a little confused because I though the gym was open 24 hours. So I ignored it at first. Then I looked over the railing and notice that no one else seemed to be in the gym. I had my headphones on so I wouldn’t have heard any announcements. So I walk downstairs and sure enough the front doors are locked! Lucky for me the two morons that worked there were still in the parking lot so they unlocked the door for me looking very put out. Here’s how our convo went:

Me: so I guess you close at 8 on Sundays?
Complete fucking idiot #1: Yeah (duh)
Me: did you make any announcements?
CFI#1: Yeah, like 2. (duh)
Me: don’t’ you think it would have been a good idea to do a walk through as well? A lot of people work out with their headphones on….
CFI #1: …………………..
CFI#2: You’re lucky. We almost took off.
Random guy comes out. He was apparently stuck in the gym as well.
CFI #1: Is there anyone else left in either locker room?
SERIOUSLY? EITHER locker room?
Me: maybe it would be a good idea if you went and CHECKED.

The people that work at Gold’s gym are the stupidest fucking people in the entire world. They are completely incompetent and rude. The only thing they manage to do semi-decently is say hi when you come in. And they’re obviously not sincere about that.

If this had been the first mishap at Gold’s, it might have been funny. But it’s not, it’s like, the 42nd. I hate everyone.

They need a damn “comments” box.

Brokeback Mountain

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Well I don’t know if it loved up to the hype but this was a pretty kick-ass movie. Great acting, good story and I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but awesome scenery.

Jake and Heath were way convincing as gay men although I’ve always thought JJ was a bit fruity. (No wonder I think he’s hot.) But even more surprising, I really believe that they were in love. I’m going to dare to say that I think this is one of the greatest love stories I’ve ever seen. Why?
1. Because it really seemed like they were desperately in love with each other. But like for real, not like movie love.
2. They suffered so much because of it but never “qui each other”.
3. The thing lasted for TWENTY YEARS. Good God. That was the best part. They never really had a full-on relationship, they had to keep it a secret and their love was never truly fulfilled but they did it for so long. That’s hot.

Anne Hathaway – keep your shirt on. We all still see you as Princess Diaries chick. Seeing that shit bordered on child porn.

Michelle Williams – shirt on or off, you’re still slutty Dawson’s Creek girl. But props to you for making me forget that for 2 hours.

Those of you who know me won’t be surprised to hear me say this, but seeing 2 guys who are straight in real life make out was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.

Chronicles of Narnia - Review

If I had three thumbs, they’d all be sticking up for this movie. Surprisingly, I loved it. I don’t remember the book and I was a little wary about the whole Christian theme, but it was such a great movie.

It was entertaining and the characters were so cool. Some of the scenes were done in such amazing detail. I don’t usually notice stuff like that but it was definitely “visually pleasing”. The kids were great too except for that little bastard Edmond. What a snot. The older brother was a hottie, for a 15-year old. Because you could tell he was going to be yummy when he grew up. J And the girls were beautiful.

And sweet Mr. Tumnus. What a guy

HP - Part 2

So I finally finished The Half Blood Prince. What’s up with Harry? He gets all the bitches he wants, he cheats in class, and he’s a marked man. Our little Harry is growing up!

Other thoughts:

1. C’mon Ron and Hermione – HOOK IT UP ALREADY!!!
2. Like getting rid of Ginny is really going to protect her. Harry, next time be more creative if you need a reason to break up with your bitch.
3. Next book is going to suck ass without Dumbledore.

I also saw the movie and was a little disappointed. The new Dumbledore seemed like he was taking crazy pills.


DID KEITH JACKSON REALLY MENTION QUIDDICH IN LAST NIGHT’S GAME? What is the world coming to?

I Heart VY

Vince Young is the best. What a classy guy. And what an athlete. Great game last night. Although of course I wouldn’t be saying that if UT lost. J

Originally I was saying that the USC guys were way hot. They still are, but now I think they’re a-holes. Which fits perfectly with my opinion of most hot guys. So good.

Kristen vs. Lauren

If you didn't catch the season finale of Laguna Beach on Monday, you missed out. Not really. It was way lame. Do we really need to see everyone say good-bye when they're all going to the same place anyway?

So it's always been Kristen vs. Lauren since the beginning. Not just with Stephen. 1st season was told in Lauren's point of view; 2nd by Kristen. We can all agree that Lauren is a better person and a lot of dudes think she's hotter, but EVERYONE knows Kristen is way more interesting to watch. So why have they decided to do a spin off show about Lauren called The Hills? What about Kristen? I'd much rather see what happens to her in LA. Poor thing. She got the big shaft. Yeah, right. She got the naked Rolling Stone article AND she got Punk'd. You know you've made it when you get Punk'd.

I can't believe all the injustice in the world.

Bitch Encounter

So I just went to the bank to do that drive-through deposit thing and this woman who was “helping” me was such a bitch. I guess I had pulled up to the wrong lane so my bad. But you would have thought it was a crime against humanity or something. First she called me ma’am which I HATE. But I hate it even more when it’s used in a bitchy condescending way. “Ma’am, you are in the wrong aisle and there is a member behind you who has been waiting a long time.” This is after she publically condemned me for asking for a pen. There is no excuse to treat your customers like that. I could give a shit if she was having a bad day.

Who am I to say anything? I have worked in the customer service industry for the last ten years including shitty jobs at drugstores and retail shops. But I have NEVER been rude to a customer. Not one time.

She totally killed my buzz. What a whore. I hope she gets fired.

Harry Potter - Part 1

Could I BE more excited about this movie? I’m not like a super freak Harry Potter fan or anything but I have read all the books (although I’m not finished with the latest one so I don’t know who dies) and seen all the movies. I don’t dress up like the characters when I go see them either.

And seriously what is up with those people who think Harry Potter is evil and should be banned? He-llo! Why do you think they call it fiction? People are retarded. I think the whole concept is very clever and the stories are fun. Here are the big questions on my mind right now…

1. Can they really drag out this Harry vs. Lord Voldemort thing for 7 books?
2. What are they going to do when they get to the 7th movie and the actor who plays Harry Potter is 45?
3. Does Professor McGonagall date?
4. Is Malfoy kind of hot or is that just me?
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY…
5. When are Hermione and Ron gonna hook it up? (If this happens in the 6th book, I will be really excited.)

When I finish reading all 2,642 pages of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, I will write a follow-up to this entry. Don’t hold your breath though….

Movie Reviews

Two For the Money

I saw this movie last week. It had such potential. What with Matty McConaughey, Rene Russo, and Al Pacino. But it tanked.

It seemed like it was trying way too hard to be complicated and edgy, with twists and crazy behavior by AlPac, but it didn't fit together too well. It was just weird and wrong.

There was a redeeming quality about it though. Matty has been working out - damn! He looks FIIIINE. And there's some shirtless scenes for the ladies.

Does that make it worth it though? I guess that depends on whether you're getting any or not. So, for me – TOTALLY worth it. :)


Domino

I had very low expectations going into this movie. But I was pleasantly surprised. It was kick ass!

Keira Knightley did a great job. It's a perfect blend of humor, action, and drama. There's something for everyone in tihs movie. Hot chick, hot dude, lots of violence and intrigue. This time the twists and edgy behavior worked out. I highly recommend this one.

Trick or Treat KIDS!

Halloween. Good times. It used to be one of my favorite holidays when I was younger. I loved getting dressed up in cute little costumes that my mom always made for us. We'd go trick or treating and then go to this Halloween carnival. It was a lot of fun. But all that ended in 5th or 6th grade I guess. Then you're just too old to do all that stuff. I guess not everyone thinks so.....

I went over to my parents' house on Halloween to give out candy to all the little kids. There were some great costumes including these 2 boys dreesed as women who said they were lesbians. Awesome. And then at 8:30, the BIG KIDS came. I mean seriously, these dudes are like 5'6" with facial hair and they're driving their friends around. They come pounding on the door with just a sheet on or some fake blood on their hand and expect candy. Are they for real? But you have to give them candy becuase you have all this leftover and what the hell else are you supposed to do with it? So they win. Littlepunks. I wonder if they have girlfriends......

The Worst Kind of Cruelty

We’ve all been in that relationship. The one we know we shouldn’t be in. The one our friends tell us to get the hell out of. The one where we feel like we’re not being valued like we should. The one where the other person doesn’t realize how fucking lucky they are to be with us. The one where we don’t realize how fucking stupid we are to be wasting our time. Because this person doesn’t really care. They may think they do and they may try to convince you but you know deep down, with every fiber of your being that they don’t. Not enough. Sometimes all it take is a look or a word and you know. When it comes to love, there is no room for indifference. Sometimes indifference is the worst kind of cruelty.

So why do we stay in the game? Because we want to win? Because we’re in love? Because we want so desperately for something to work in our lives? Because it’s an addiction? Because we like to punish ourselves? Whatever the reason. One day it happens.

We wake up and we realize that we can’t take anymore. That it’s over. That we’re out. Because we deserve so much better than indifference. Because true love is worth waiting for. And we’re not about to waste our time on anything less. Because life is too short. And we matter too much to be treated like less than perfection.

And that is the best fucking feeling in the world.

If that's the kind of love you give me,

I'd rather be alone, believe me,

If that's the way you're gonna treat me,

I'd rather walk away.

-A.S.

Melrose Place - Austin Style

Melrose Place. Lots of drama. Lots of sex. Lots of incest. Welcome to my apartment complex.

There's the nice guy who keeps stopping by and asking me out. But he's not exciting so it's not happening. But how do you say "stop dropping by to check the temp. of my refrigerator"? I have a feeling I'm not the only girl he does this too.

Then there's guy with the girlfriend who wants to be just "friends" but we all know he's hoping I make the first move. Not happening either. His girlfriend lives in the complex.

Then there's scary stalker guy who is always in the parking lot when I am and always remembers what I was wearing yesterday and who knocks on my door late and night. Freak. For sure not happening.

Oh and don’t get me started on my gay neighbor who shares a bedroom wall with me. Let’s just say, it doesn’t sound like he’s lonely….
Moral of the story? Don’t be TOO nice to your neighbors. They know where you live.

Simple Things

It's amazing what simple acts of kindness can do. I was at the grocery store today. This sweet old man let me go in front of him because I only had a couple of things. Big deal, right? Well it was to me. I thought that was the nicest thing and it totally made my day. That's what life's all about. Little things like that. People being decent to each other. It's inspiring.

Oh and I also got carded for cigarettes. I'm 25! The day I don't' get carded, I'll know I'm old and I'll flip the f out.

My Favorite Things

I heart Laguna Beach. It reminds me of going to college at Pepperdine. I was a lot like Kristen then. :) I found this great blog on LB that gives all the dirt. Check it.
http://theglitteratini.blogspot.com/2005/10/laguna-time.html

Snow Patrol. Best band. Ever. Check them out.
http://snowpatrol.amrecords.com/photos/photos.asp

I have been a fan of this show from Day 1. I hate all you posers out there who just started watching Season 2 and have rented the Season 1 DVDs to catch up. You're not true fans.
p.s. Sawyer is my boyfriend.

Okay. Seriously. Best movie ever. Anyone who doesn't think so needs to get a sense of humor. I mean c'mon Ligers, tots, pinatas shaped like bitchy girls? Classic.

Need I say more?

I Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend

Girls are bitches. I know this because I am one. A girl that is. Well maybe a little bit of the other too. There are girls out there who hate each other for no reason. I guess they have a reason; it's just a retarded one.

There are a few girls who I know hate me. Why? Some say they're jealous. Whatever. I know a lot of girls who are good looking and I don't hate them. I think they hate me because I have something they don't - confidence... and, their boyfriends. This is why the boys talk to me and not them. And this is why their boyfriends would rather be with me. :)

I didn't steal shit. I won fair and square bitches.